KEYS TO A STRONG AND HAPPY CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE! (6)

Today, we will bring our discussions on “KEYS TO A STRONG AND HAPPY CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE,” to a close.  

In doing this, we shall consider some other important keys.

12. APPLY THE FORMULA FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE – STEPP. “S” stands for sleep together. “T” stands for talk together. “E” stands for eat together. The first “P” stands for play together, and the last “P” stands for pray together. Let’s look at them one after the other in the light of the Word of God:

a) SLEEP TOGETHER: Friend, you ought to realize that God created man with some physiological and biological needs one of which is sexual needs. This is why He put the hormone testosterone in men, and estrogen in women. But in satisfying this urge, it ought to be done in the context of marriage only.

1 Corinthians 7:3-5 says, “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

Genesis 2:25 says, “Now, although Adam and his wife were both naked, neither of them felt any shame.”

Couples should sleep together on the same bed and not in different rooms especially after the first baby has come. They should maintain a healthy sex life. A healthy sex life serves as oil that lubricates your love for one another. Besides, one of the purposes of God in marriage is for the enjoyment of carnal relationship.

Sex is a pleasure not a punishment. It is to be enjoyed, and not to be endured. In Genesis 18:9-12 they said to him [Abraham], “Where is Sarah your wife?” And he said, "Here, in the tent." 10 And He said, "I will certainly return to you according to the time of life, and behold, Sarah your wife shall have a son." (Sarah was listening in the tent door, which was behind him.) 11 Now Abraham and Sarah were old, well advanced in age; and Sarah had passed the age of childbearing. 12 Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, "After I have grown old, shall I have PLEASURE, my lord being old also?"

In verse 12 Sarah did not say, “After I have grown old, shall I have children…?” Rather she said, “…shall I have pleasure…? Beloved, pleasure means enjoyment.

Sometimes there could be problems in the family, but do not allow those problems to puncture your sex life.

A major complaint that wives often have is that their husbands no longer take time to be romantic. You ought to have romantic love for each other.

Proverbs 5:15-20 says, “Drink water from your own well—share your love only with your wife.^{ 16}Why spill the water of your springs in public, having sex with just anyone?^{ 17}You should reserve it for yourselves. Don’t share it with strangers. ¹⁸Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. ¹⁹She is a loving doe, a graceful deer. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love! ²⁰Why be captivated, my son, with an immoral woman, or embrace the breasts of an adulterous woman?”

Song of Solomon 1:2-4 says, “Kiss me again and again, for your love is sweeter than wine. ³How fragrant your cologne, and how pleasing your name! No wonder all the young women love you! ⁴Take me with you. Come, let’s run! Bring me into your bedroom, O my king.” “How happy we are for him! We praise his love even more than wine.” How right that the young women love you!”

b) TALK TOGETHER: Communication is very necessary for every relationship. Confrontation will close the spirit of the person you wish to communicate with. Remember Confrontation is not communication. You ought to realize that your wife is different from every other woman you have ever related with in the past. So don’t use the information on another woman to relate with your wife. Your wife is not your old girlfriend, your cousin, your house help or your mother. Your wife is your wife and both of you are one. What can the head do without the body knowing?

Does your spouse know everything you are doing or that you are planning to do? Do you ever have time to talk together? You must carry each other along.

Couples need to always share ideas together. They should take some time to discuss how each day has been for each of them before going to bed. It is not comfortable for a husband to hear from another person what has happened to his wife or other things that has to do with his wife; and vice-versa. The instruction to stay away from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil was given to Adam in Genesis 2:16-17 before Eve was made out of him.

In Genesis 2:16-17 the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for in the day [when] you eat of it you will surely die."

Adam effectively communicated this instruction to Eve. This we know from the answer she gave to the devil.

In Genesis 2:2-3 the woman said unto the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden: 3 But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.”

This was why she was able to resist the devil to some extent before she eventually yielded to him. 

God did not need to personally instruct Eve again. Most times God speaks to either the husband or the wife, but they cannot communicate to one another what God has said because of “activities or disagreements”. Some trivial issues, which have led to the breakdown of homes, shouldn’t have led to such result if they were discussed.

c) EAT TOGETHER: Some couples have become so busy to the extent that they can no longer “sit on one dining table and eat together.” Some are so addicted to television that they are watching one movie or the other while their spouse is eating on the dining table in the dining room. Listen to me, eating time is a family time. The television must be put off. At such times you have the opportunity to communicate with each other.

Even if you and your wife do not eat the same kind of food as a result of dieting or for any other reason, ensure that the food for both of you is kept on the same table and eaten at the same time. If this is not possible because of your nature of job, then ensure to do it whenever you have the opportunity.

d) PLAY TOGETHER: Some couples no longer play together, they see it as something meant for those who are newly married. Playing tennis together, going to the kitchen together, or running around the sitting room in the absence of the children is not a bad idea. Some husbands have turned their homes to a parade ground; everyone is at attention and trembling at the same time in the house as soon as they arrive from their place of work, while some women have gotten an MSc in carrying oblong face and a PhD in nagging.

Genesis 26:8 tells us that Isaac was having an intimate relationship with his wife Rebecca. “And it came to pass, when he had been there a long time, that at A-bim’-e-lech king of the Phi-lis’-tines looked out at a window, and saw, and, behold, Isaac was sporting with [fondling] Rebecca his wife.”

To fondle means to stroke lovingly, touch something or somebody gently, in a loving or affectionate way. The earlier verses of this passage pointed to the fact that this was a difficult time for Isaac. Famine had pursued him to Egypt, he had even told a lie to Abimelech the ruler of Egypt in order to defend his life. Yet none of these things could deter him from playing together with his wife.

e) PRAY TOGETHER: It is mandatory that you have a consistent family altar daily. This is because a family that prays together stays together. When you pray together, you exercise effective dominion over the kingdom of darkness. Dominion can only be exercised in unity/agreement, and no one can ever agree with you better than your spouse because you are one flesh.

In Matthew 18:19 Jesus said, “Again I say unto you, that if two of you shall agree on earth as touching anything that they shall ask, it shall be done for them by My Father which is in Heaven”.

Therefore, couples should always make out time to pray with their children.

Can you imagine that some couples come together in the evenings and start watching home videos/late night movies and gossip along with their children until they become dizzy and weak, they then pray for five minutes and go to bed. Why would satanic attacks not come at night?

13. AVOID PRE-MARITAL SEX: Realize that the very foundation of your marriage is confidence and trust. Pre-marital sex will destroy this foundation, which is the bedrock of your marriage.

Pre-marital sex is an evidence that you have no integrity and that you have no fear of God. If you defiled yourselves during courtship, it is very difficult for you to trust one another after you eventually come together as husband and wife. You will be suspicious of one another.

Pre-marital sex will cause you the embarrassment of your life in your night of honeymoon because you’ve lost your hymen, which is supposed to be an instrument for the sealing of your marriage covenant.

That implies that in this your new relationship, you have nothing to seal your marriage covenant with your husband.

God said, “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge” (Heb. 13:4).

Therefore, you should avoid having any form of carnal relationship either with the person you intend to marry or with any other person.

One of the devastating consequences of sexual immorality is the formation of soul-tie with your partner in sin. A strong soul-tie is formed through sexual relationships. During such encounters, the souls of both partners actually join to become one. Because you have joined yourself (1) body (2) soul (3) spirit to another, you become soul–tied and one flesh with your sin partner (1Cor. 6:16).

Proverbs 5:20-22 says, “Why be captivated, my son, with an immoral woman, or embrace the breasts [bosom] of an adulterous woman? 21 For the Lord sees clearly what a man does, examining every path he takes. 22 An evil man is held captive by his own sins [sex sins]; they are ropes that catch and hold him [enslave him, tie him]. He will die for lack of self –control; he will be lost because of his incredible folly [thoughtless or reckless behaviour].”

No wonder you are not satisfied with that woman you are marrying because you’ve formed so many soul-ties with various partners in your previous promiscuous relationships (in your unfaithfulness).

Sexual union is ordained by God to make two marriage partners one flesh before God, but promiscuous premarital and extramarital affairs can mysteriously tie one’s soul to marry partners. Promiscuity, as in sex outside marriage, scatters you and destroys your ability to commit yourself to one partner. It destroys your ability to be faithful to your spouse if you are already married, or your ability to be faithful when you get married in the future.

16. WALK IN LOVE: This is self-giving love. You can only love one another to the degree you have received the love of God. Here is the love of God.

1 Corinthians 13:1-13 says, “If I could speak in any language in heaven or on earth but didn’t love others, I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbal. ²If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I knew all the mysteries of the future and knew everything about everything, but didn’t love others, what good would I be? And if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move, without love I would be no good to anybody. ³If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would be of no value whatsoever. ⁴Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud ⁵or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. ⁶It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. ⁷Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. ⁸Love will last forever,…  ¹³There are three things that will endure—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.”

17. YOUR FISTFRUIT: The Bible says, “If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do” (Ps. 11:3). Your first money together is that very money that people give to you for your wedding. That is the first-fruit in your marriage. You should give it to the LORD on your thanksgiving Sunday. That will become a solid foundation on which your marriage will stand. That foundation is sure, solid, firm, strong, unmovable and unchangeable (2 Tim. 2:19). So, when you have laid that very foundation, expect the favour of the LORD to overtake your marriage.

The Scriptures say, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour from the LORD” (Prov. 18:22).

Do you want to enjoy your marriage? Do you want a marriage full of peace and joy? Then give an undivided attention to knowing God’s perfect will for your life even in the area of marriage. The application of these seventeen keys will open every door to a marriage that will glorify God.

Watch out for the next edition of Good News from the Pulpit!

• Your friend: I. I. Madubunyi (Senior Pastor)                                   18.11. 2018