Today, we will bring our
discussions on the “KEYS TO A STRONG AND HAPPY CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE,” to a close.
In doing this, we shall consider some other important keys.
In doing this, we shall consider some other important keys.
12. APPLY THE FORMULAR FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE – STEPP. “S”
stands for sleep together. “T” stands for talk together. “E” stands for eat
together. The first “P” stands for play together, and the last “P” stands for pray
together. Let’s look at them one after the other in the light of the Word of
God:
a)
SLEEP TOGETHER: Friend, you
ought to realize that God created man with some physiological and biological
needs one of which is sexual needs. This is why He put the hormone testosterone
in men, and estrogen in women. But in satisfying this urge, it ought to be done
in the context of marriage only.
1
Corinthians 7:3-5 says,
“Let the husband render to his wife the
affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does
not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the
husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not
deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give
yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does
not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
Genesis 2:25 says, “Now,
although Adam and his wife were both naked, neither of them felt any shame.”
Couples should sleep together on the same bed and
not in different rooms especially after the first baby has come. They should
maintain a healthy sex life.
A healthy sex life serves as oil that lubricates your love for one another. Besides,
one of the purposes of God in marriage is for the enjoyment of carnal
relationship.
Sex
is a pleasure not a punishment. It is to be
enjoyed, and not to be endured. In Genesis 18:9-12 they said to him [Abraham],
“Where is Sarah your wife?” And he said,
"Here, in the tent." 10 And He said, "I will certainly return to
you according to the time of life, and behold, Sarah your wife shall have a
son." (Sarah was listening in the tent door, which was behind him.) 11 Now
Abraham and Sarah were old, well advanced in age; and Sarah had passed the age
of childbearing. 12 Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying,
"After I have grown old, shall I have
PLEASURE, my lord being old also?"
In
verse 12 Sarah did not say, “After I have
grown old, shall I have children…?” Rather she said, “…shall I have pleasure…? Beloved, pleasure means enjoyment.
Sometimes
there could be problems in the family, but do not allow those problems to
puncture your sex life.
A major complaint that wives
often have is that their husbands no longer take time to be romantic. You ought
to have romantic love for each other.
Proverbs 5:15-20 says, “Drink
water from your own well—share your love only with your wife. 16Why
spill the water of your springs in public, having sex with just anyone?
17You should reserve it for yourselves. Don’t share it with
strangers. 18Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you.
Rejoice in the wife of your youth. 19She is a loving doe, a graceful
deer. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her
love! 20Why be captivated, my son, with an immoral woman, or embrace
the breasts of an adulterous woman?”
Song of
Solomon 1:2-4 says, “Kiss me again and again, for your
love is sweeter than wine. 3How fragrant your cologne, and how
pleasing your name! No wonder all the young women love you! 4Take me
with you. Come, let’s run! Bring me into your bedroom, O my king.” “How happy
we are for him! We praise his love even more than wine.” How right that the
young women love you!”
b)
TALK TOGETHER: Communication
is very necessary for every relationship. Confrontation will close the spirit
of the person you wish to communicate with. Remember Confrontation is not
communication. You ought to realize that your wife is different from every
other woman you have ever related with in the past. So don’t use the
information on another woman to relate with your wife. Your wife is not your
old girlfriend, your cousin, your house help or your mother. Your wife is your
wife and both of you are one. What can the head do without the body knowing?
Does
your spouse know everything you are doing or that you are planning to do? Do
you ever have time to talk together? You must carry each other along.
Couples need
to always share ideas together. They should take some time to discuss how each
day has been for each of them before going to bed. It is not comfortable for a
husband to hear from another person what has happened to his wife or other
things that has to do with his wife; and vice-versa. The instruction to stay
away from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil was given to Adam in
Genesis 2:16-17 before Eve was made out of him.
In Genesis
2:16-17 the LORD God commanded the man, "You
are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the
tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for in the day [when] you eat of it you
will surely die."
Adam effectively
communicated this instruction to Eve. This we know from the answer she gave to
the devil.
In Genesis
2:2-3 the woman said unto the serpent, “We may
eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden: 3 But of the fruit of the tree
which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it,
neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.”
This was why
she was able to resist the devil to some extent before she eventually yielded
to him.
God did not need to personally
instruct Eve again. Most times God speaks to either the husband or the wife,
but they cannot communicate to one another what God has said because of
“activities or disagreements”. Some trivial issues, which have led to the
breakdown of homes, shouldn’t have led to such result if they were discussed.
c) EAT
TOGETHER: Some
couples have become so busy to the extent that they can no longer “sit on one dining
table and eat together.” Some are so addicted to television that they
are watching one movie or the other while their spouse is eating on the dining
table in the dining room. Listen to me, eating time is a family time. The
television must be put off. At such times you have the opportunity to
communicate with each other.
Even if you
and your wife do not eat the same kind of food as a result of dieting or for
any other reason, ensure that the food for both of you is kept on the same
table and eaten at the same time. If this is not possible because of your
nature of job, then ensure to do it whenever you have the opportunity.
d) PLAY
TOGETHER: Some couples no longer play together,
they see it as something meant for those who are newly married. Playing tennis
together, going to the kitchen together, or running around the sitting room in
the absence of the children is not a bad idea. Some husbands have turned their
homes to a parade ground; everyone is at attention and trembling at the same
time in the house as soon as they arrive from their place of work, while some
women have gotten an MSc in carrying oblong face and a PhD in nagging.
Genesis
26:8 tells us that Isaac was having an intimate relationship with his wife
Rebecca. “And it came to pass, when he had
been there a long time, that at A-bim’-e-lech king of the Phi-lis’-tines looked
out at a window, and saw, and, behold, Isaac was sporting with
[fondling] Rebecca his wife.”
To
fondle means to stroke lovingly, touch something or somebody gently, in a loving or
affectionate way. The earlier verses of
this passage pointed to the fact that this was a difficult time for Isaac.
Famine had pursued him to Egypt, he had even told a lie to Abimelech the ruler
of Egypt
in order to defend his life. Yet none of these things could deter him from
playing together with his wife.
e) PRAY TOGETHER:
It
is mandatory that you have a consistent family altar daily. This
is because a family that prays together stays together. When
you pray together, you exercise effective dominion over the kingdom of darkness.
Dominion can only be exercised in unity/agreement, and no one can ever agree
with you better than your spouse because you are one flesh.
In
Matthew 18:19 Jesus said, “Again
I say unto you, that if two of you shall agree on earth as touching anything
that they shall ask, it shall be done for them by My Father which is in Heaven”.
Therefore,
couples should always make out time to pray with their children.
Can you
imagine that some couples come together in the evenings and start watching home
videos/late night movies and gossip along with their children until they become
dizzy and weak, they then pray for five minutes and go to bed. Why would
satanic attacks not come at night?
13. AVOID
PRE-MARITAL SEX: Realize that the very foundation of your marriage is
confidence and trust. Pre-marital sex will destroy this foundation, which is
the bedrock of your marriage.
Pre-marital sex is an evidence that you have
no integrity and that you have no fear of God. If you defiled yourselves during
courtship, it is very difficult for you to trust one another after you
eventually come together as husband and wife. You will be suspicious of one
another.
Pre-marital sex will cause you the
embarrassment of your life in your night of honeymoon because you’ve lost your hymen,
which is supposed to be an instrument for the sealing of your marriage
covenant.
That implies that in this your new
relationship, you have nothing to seal your marriage covenant with your
husband.
God said, “Marriage
is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers
God will judge” (Heb. 13:4).
Therefore, you
should avoid having any form of carnal relationship either with the person you
intend to marry or with any other person.
One of the devastating consequences of
sexual immorality is the formation of soul-tie with your partner in sin. A
strong soul-tie is formed through sexual relationships. During such encounters,
the souls of both partners actually join to become one. Because you have joined
yourself (1) body (2) soul (3) spirit to another, you become soul–tied and one
flesh with your sin partner (1Cor. 6:16).
Proverbs 5:20-22 says, “Why
be captivated, my son, with an immoral woman, or embrace the breasts [bosom] of
an adulterous woman? 21 For the Lord sees clearly what a man does, examining
every path he takes. 22 An evil man is held captive by his own sins [sex sins];
they are ropes that catch and hold him [enslave him, tie him]. He will die for
lack of self –control; he will be lost because of his incredible folly
[thoughtless or reckless behaviour].”
No wonder you are not satisfied with
that woman you are marrying because you’ve formed so many soul-ties with
various partners in your previous promiscuous relationships (in your
unfaithfulness).
Sexual union is ordained by God to make
two marriage partners one flesh before God, but promiscuous premarital and
extramarital affairs can mysteriously tie one’s soul to marry partners. Promiscuity,
as in sex outside marriage, scatters you and destroys your ability to commit
yourself to one partner. It destroys your ability to be faithful to your
spouse if you are already married, or your ability to be faithful when you get
married in the future.
16.
WALK IN LOVE: This is
self-giving love (1 Cor. 13:1-13). You can only love one another to the degree
you have received the love of God. Here is the love of God.
17. YOUR FISTFRUIT: The Bible says, “If
the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do” (Ps. 11:3).
Your first money together is that very money that people give to you for your
wedding. That is the fist-fruit in your marriage. You should give it to the
LORD on your thanksgiving Sunday. That will become a solid foundation on which
your marriage will stand. That foundation is sure, solid, firm, strong,
unmovable and unchangeable (2 Tim. 2:19). So, when you
have laid that very foundation, expect the favour of the LORD to overtake your
marriage.
The
Scriptures say, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour from
the LORD” (Prov. 18:22).
Do you want to enjoy your marriage? Do you want a
marriage full of peace and joy? Then give an undivided attention to knowing
God’s perfect will for your life even in the area of marriage. The application
of these seventeen keys will open every door to a marriage that will glorify
God.
Watch out for the next
edition of Good News
from the Pulpit!
- Your friend: I. I. Madubunyi (Senior Pastor) 18.11. 2018
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