KEYS TO A STRONG AND HAPPY CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE! (2)

In continuation of our discussions on “THE KEYS TO A STRONG AND HAPPY CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE,” we now want to focus on the details of the principles that should be applied so that your marriage can work:

1. YOUR FAITH: It is very important that you marry the person that God has ordained for you right from the foundation of the world.

Why? This is because the person you marry can either build you up or destroy you. The Bible encourages us not to marry someone who is not of the same faith (an unbeliever), because it is too easy for that person to tempt you away from your faith. And if you are marrying someone of like faith, you still must be sure you are marrying him/her for the right reasons.

Marrying a strange woman will lead your heart away from the Lord. In Deuteronomy 7:2-4 God said, “Make no treaties with them and show them no mercy. 3 Do not intermarry with them, and don’t let your daughters and sons marry their sons and daughters. 4 They will lead your young people away from Me to worship other gods. Then the anger of the Lord will burn against you, and He will destroy you.”

For instance, 1 Kings 11:1-7 talking about Solomon says, “Now King Solomon loved many foreign women. Besides Pharaoh’s daughter, he married women from Moab, Ammon, Edom, Sidon, and from among the Hittites. 2 The LORD had clearly instructed his people not to intermarry with those nations, because the women they married would lead them to worship their gods. Yet Solomon insisted on loving them anyway. 3 He had seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines. And sure enough, they led his heart away from the Lord. 4 In Solomon’s old age, they turned his heart to worship their gods instead of trusting only in the Lord his God, as his father, David, had done. 5 Solomon worshiped Ashtoreth, the goddess of the Sidonians, and Molech? The detestable god of the Ammonites. 6 Thus, Solomon did what was evil in the Lord’s sight; he refused to follow the Lord completely, as his father, David, had done.”

Marrying a strange woman will cause you to pick up practices that are detestable to the Lord. In Ezra 9:1-2 the Bible says, “Many of the people of Israel, and even some of the priests and Levites, have not kept themselves separate from the other peoples living in the land. They have taken up the detestable practices of the Canaanites, Hittites, Perizzites, Jebusites, Ammonites, Moabites, Egyptians, and Amorites. 2 For the men of Israel have married women from these people and have taken them as wives for their sons. So the holy race has become polluted by these mixed marriages. To make matters worse, the officials and leaders are some of the worst offenders.”

Therefore, God warned us in 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 saying, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers (people of different faith): for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness? 15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? Or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? 16 And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? For ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people.”

Beloved, do not team up with those who are not of the same faith with you. How can goodness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the Devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever? And what union can there be between God’s temple and idols?

There will be no resonance because the amplitudes will interfere destructively. Resonance is increased amplitude of oscillation of a mechanical system when it is subjected to vibration from another source at or near its own natural frequency. Amplitude is the furthest distance that a vibrating or oscillating system such as a pendulum travels from a zero point.

Here is the truth: if you chose for a spouse someone who is not Born Again, you have gone against God’s will for your life. What you should then expect is trouble because both of you can never be in agreement since you do not have the same mindset.

Psalm 106:15 says, “And He (God) gave them their request; but sent leanness into their soul.”

Amos 3:3 says, “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?”

Leanness means the bread of affliction and the water of sorrows. You should therefore expect the bread of affliction and the water of sorrows to wash it down your system.

Isaiah 30:20 says, “And though the Lord give you (1) the bread of adversity, and (2) the water of affliction…”

2. FINANCES: Another troublesome area in marriage is your finances. Question: Are you and your partner financially compatible? Did you bring financial baggage into your relationship?

Financial issues, if left unresolved, can ruin even the most successful marriages. When a couple’s finances are not in order, it leaves both of them feeling insecure and can eventually lead the relationship into complete turmoil. To keep your marriage safe and peaceful, making financial stability a priority is of utmost importance.

Disagreements over finances is one of the main reasons couples end up in divorce court. Therefore, if you want to have a healthy and peaceful marriage you should handle your finances together. And to be able to fix this problem, you MUST put aside your ego and selfishness.

For a variety of reasons, couples appear to not want to hear the financial advice from the Word of God. Here are some financial advice that married couples often ignore:

1) Create Separate Accounts and One Joint Account: To put or not to put your monies together is one of the most important decisions the two of you need to make regarding your finances. Having your own money that you can spend however you want can lessen arguments about money. Do not have separate accounts because it lessens the sense of unity in marriage and shows a lack of trust in one another.

2) Track How You Are Spending Money: It's called a budget. Tracking your spending is not a way to point fingers at one another as to who is spending what. Tracking your spending is not having someone looking over your shoulder every time you buy something. Tracking your spending is critical to being financially secure. Unless you know where your money is going, it is impossible to set financial goals you are both comfortable with.

3) Set Your Financial Priorities Together: Know what is important to each of you. One of you may want to buy a house while the other thinks saving for your retirement is more important. Seeking the help of a financial planner can help you set your priorities and still spend money on some fun things like a vacation now and then.​

4) Discuss Finances together on a Regular Basis: Sure, talking about money isn't easy because money can symbolize different things to each partner. One may view money as security and the other as power. If the topic of debt, bills, savings, and goals makes one or both of you uncomfortable or defensive, seek the help of a financial counselor or planner. It is important that both of you know where you stand financially and have common financial goals.

5) You should save a definite percentage of your income: Couples living month-to-month often rationalize that they just don't have enough money to save.

If you don’t save some cash in the time of plenty, what will do in the day of need?

This is how a wise couple should spend their money:

100% is your income.

a) 10% of this should be your tithe.

b) 20% of this should be for investment. Plough it into another business. You can also use part of it to do projects or you can fix it.

c) And 50% of this should be your expenditure.

d) 10% is your compulsory or emergency fund.

e) 10% retirement fund.

The wisdom here is to live on your basic salary during your working years; save and invest the rest for the future.

Don’t ever spend more than 50% of your income during your working years. Do not adopt a life style that will be difficult to maintain during your retirement years.

The earlier the two of you start saving money for your retirement years, the easier it will be to have a retirement lifestyle that you both hope for.

6) Handle your debts together as a couple: Make adequate plans to pay off all existing debts. Drawing a line in the sand and saying that your spouse's debt isn't your problem is not going to work because both of you are one.

7) Try to live debt free: Couples often don't want to wait to have a new television, new car, and other new gadgets. They rationalize that people just don't live without credit cards and debt. Although it may be true that many people are heavily in debt, that doesn't mean it is a healthy way to handle your finances.​

8) Don't keep financial secrets: Not being honest about the cost of large financial purchases or keeping debts hidden is considered financial infidelity by many people. Such secrets can destroy your marriage.

Therefore, you should be honest to your spouse by declaring your full income. Both you and your spouse should make known to each other your full income per month. Both of you should know what each other earns. Don’t try to be who you are not.  

Hiding your income from your spouse means that you are not trustworthy, and that you have a hidden agenda. But the correct thing is that there should be no hidden agenda.

Genesis 2:25 says, “And they were both naked (transparently honest to each other) the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”

9) You may have to face tough times financially: No matter how much you plan and talk about money, no matter how much you save, no matter how frugal the two of you are, there still could be tough times in your financial future.​

Your monthly incomes should be put in a joint account, to which both of you are co-signatories.

When I talk about joint account I mean that the man and the woman should bring into one account in a particular bank all their respective earnings.

This is noteworthy: If you and your spouse cannot agree in the area of money, then get ready for a marriage full of dissatisfaction, quarrels, disagreements and frustration.

If both of you cannot agree in the area of your finances, your marriage will be suffering from what we call FINANCIAL KWASHIOKOR.

Do you want to enjoy your marriage? Do you want a marriage full of peace and joy? Then give an undivided attention to knowing God’s perfect will for your life even in the area of marriage. The application of this major keys will open every door to a marriage that will glorify God.

Watch out for the next edition of Good News from the Pulpit!

Your friend: I. I. Madubunyi (Senior Pastor)                      21.10. 2018